I have just come back from a holiday with my family. While I was there I was introduced to someone who said "oh poor girl" when she heard I worked in Afghanistan. Now I am sure she did not mean to be patronising but that is how it came across. For one I don't think being in my late 30s qualifies me for being a girl, but secondly this is not something that has been inflicted on me. I choose to get on the plane, I choose to be here. That doesn't mean there aren't times when I wish I lived the "normal" life in the UK but then I remember the many blessings of being here. I don't think I am poor at all for being here - I am enriched by the people I am meeting, the experiences I am having and the life I am living.
Which brings me on the word I hate. Brave. People normally hear my story and say "oh you are so brave". I'm not. Quite a lot of the time I feel a little bit scared. Sometimes I feel very scared. When there is a loud boom or gunfire I am on heightened awareness and the adrenaline flows until I know its OK. Brave implies you are never frightened.
Some people think you can't live here and be afraid. I think that is how most people live here. We "feel the fear and do it anyway". That is not the dictionary definition of being brave, but maybe it should be.
Anyway rant over - just remember next time you see me,
please don't call me brave.
