My sister is the extreme opposite, she loves to be close to people. I can remember as kids she would sit as close to me as possible and hold my hand. It drove me nuts, we used to argue about it, we probably still do.
Now you would think that Afghanistan would be the perfect place for someone like me. Physical displays of affection are a no-no in public, and even shaking hands between the genders is not the norm. However in recent days I have hit a problem with this.
A few weeks ago one of my staff was visibly upset by something. If this was the UK I would have sat next to them and put my arm round them to give them comfort, but I couldn't I just sat a good distance apart and listened.
Yesterday one of my staff members heard that his daughter had done really well in the konkor (the last exam in high school) and has got a place at the university faculty of her choice. I wanted to high-five or shake his hand but just had to do with words of congratulations.
Today I made a faux pas - I tapped one of my male (fortunately ex-pat) colleagues on the shoulder to get their attention. In that one tap I have damaged my reputation.
Now am I sure there are countless studies of the impact of touch on the psyche and what happens when you don't have enough contact or too much. I am sure there are culturally appropriate ways of getting those needs met here, I just don't know enough to know. I do know the culture that I come from is more touchy-feely than the British stiff upper lip stereotype would lead us to believe and that to show emotional closeness to someone I rely on touch more than I thought.
I'm coming to the end of my time in Afghanistan and I will have to say alot of goodbyes. There are some people I would love to hug and thank them for how they have looked after me, and been my family here. Instead I will wave them goodbye and cry and hope they understand how much I love them.
